Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dear Victoria

as you know with everything important or special there is usually some sort of thoughtful plan to get there. Whether you're wanting to become a doctor, or fuck your life away ummm literally there should always be some foresight involved. So I just wanted to help a sister out because it looks like you need it. 

So you're fifteen and you're one of God's lovely creatures and you want to procreate. Woot, good on you--you're helping to solve a declining birth rate. Let's go through some of the pros and cons shall we? ^ ^

PRO
you will be able to get out of exams by saying things like "siiirr, my baybay jus' gon di' a big one, ya heard?" 

CON
your baby will have done a big one

PRO
your jugs will totally be way bigger than all the other girls in year 9 Yay, take that you flat-chested hussies!

CONPRO
your jugs will now double as suspenders because they will be just that saggy actually it's a pro because you now have free suspenders !!

PRO
you will get to be on tv 

CON
you're only going to be on a second rate talk show

CON 
your baby won't know what ethnicity it is because you speak like a mish-mash of cultural cliches 

PRO
you will teach your baby that it "doesn't matter what people think about me because that's who I am ... and I got it like that cos I'm a playa" 

Nawwww you're so deep ... on second thought just have your demon-baby 

xoxo

meet
Vicky

3 comments:

  1. you pretty much got her accent down pat

    just so you know
    i had sex over 100times in a public place
    ive had it in the park in the playground in staircases

    and i loved every moment of it

    ReplyDelete
  2. O_O
    how... melodramatic is that talk show?!

    ReplyDelete
  3. this reminds me of jerry springer.

    i wanna see part 2. n_n

    ReplyDelete