Thursday, August 27, 2009

Unintentionally Racist

So lately I've been thinking about whether or not you can consider something to be a racist occurrence if the people involved just don't know any better. I'm going to start out by saying something that should be obvious and that is that I don't like racism. If you're a decent human being you'd think the same, but recently I've come across a few people who seem to think it's okay to not know that what they're doing rubs me, and others, the wrong way--that way being, namely, racist.
Yes, I'm being rubbed racist-ly.

I guess I wouldn't care unless a few things that happened in the past two weeks hadn't occurred or maybe I'm just trying to play victim because I'm a sook. Either way I'm still going to write about it.

I remember catching a peak hour train from Central Station after school, and usually you can just hold up your ticket and the station operators barely look at it and they just let you through, but there I was in all my law-breaking blackness with my ticket intending to walk through like the 50-odd swarm of people that had just done so around me to be stopped and asked for my ID and so the guy could scrutinize my ticket. I didn't think of it but then this white guy came up to me and said, "that's fucking bullshit they didn't even check my ticket because I'm white. That's bloody racist" OWTTE (which Sandra tells me means, "Or words to that effect"). That made me think well yeah that was pretty racist but I'm not dying so I'll get over it.

My school uniform is pretty effed up in that no public transport workers ever think I am really a high school student. I was getting on my bus to go home, and I showed the bus driver my school ID to which he said, "I don't know this school *longest pause in the world*", to which I said,
"… it has the Queensland transport logo on it…"
"… That doesn't mean a thing!"
So he made me pay the adult fare.
I swear some bus-drivers are just small human beings who like to feel big by abusing all the power their jobs offer them.
He didn't even ask for the school IDs of other high school-aged kids, and it might just be because I look old for my age, but then again, they were all white. Some of them weren't even in uniform though. T_T I like to think I don't jump to conclusions, but was he honestly suggesting that I had made a fake school ID card, worn some fugly cheap business man uniform just to get a cheaper fare on my bus home. If I had the ability to invest that much effort in anything I would definitely not be as penniless as I am. I guess that's not really racist as much as it shows that the bus driver was the equivalent of a Pompei-sized douchebag erupting. It's still annoying though.

A teacher from school saw me wearing shorts on some extra-curricular school activity and noted how my knees looked, "dirty". They then said that it was as if I "don't scrub", and "need to wash [my] knees". I was silently astounded. There was no way that I thought a teacher would say something so blatantly uneducated. It's not like coloured people are rare in the world. I felt like I had stepped into a time warp and was remembering stories my primary teachers would tell me about there not being mixed swimming pools in case the colour ran off the indigenous Australians. More than anything, I was annoyed that such ignorance was able to prevail even until this day and age. My dark skins folds when my knee is not bent which makes it look darker or ''dirty'' as one might suggest, but honestly who would even say something like that. It's not like people go around saying, "you look like you need to wash", to strangers without causing offence. Even though the teacher probably isn't racist, I felt like that was a stupid thing to say considering my skin colour.

Something else that annoys me, but that I'm sometimes guilty of, is mistaking peoples' identites. A lady at the daycare where I went to drop my nephew off told me he couldn't come in because they have a rule not allowing children with fevers to return for at least a day. I asked if she was sure and she told me that my nephew had a fever of 40 degrees and that my house had been called to collect him yesterday. I told her that there was some mistake and that it wasn't him, because he wasn't even there the previous day. Then she told me to wait, that I was probably wrong and then she left to fuck around for ten minutes/check.
How and, more importantly, why did she think that she was correct? I wouldn't have minded had she not approached me with a face that was more "what the hell do you think you're doing?" than "sorry, we're just upholding company policy."
T_T WTF? If you hadn't mistaken every brown kid in your class for one another this type of embarrassing mix-up wouldn't happen. That is why mistaken identity annoys me, and I'm not entirely certain whether it's racist or not. I always used to say that racism is only when you do something like say, "this person sucks because they r x race" as opposed to "this x race person sucks", but I realize that there's so much more to it than that.


I know I'm overreacting but these daily annoyances are starting to get to me, and sometimes I feel like being unintentionally racist back, but even then I would feel like I know what I'm doing. So why doesn't everyone else?





Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Return to blogging

I don't know why I haven't managed to write a decent-sized post in while. I'm still doing the same things I used to, and it's not like the ''free time'' I used to have for blogging is gone—now I just sit and stare at my walls, though. So, I'm going to start trying to post again, because I just like the experience of blogging. It's a form of true catharsis (that is a big word, and would get me some major points in scrabble/QCS written response task).

So anyway, on Monday I had to write a QCS written response task, and we were given the topic of a circle. The article produced is supposed to be 600 words, so I did it in around an hour, without proofreading or editing because I am a fail/bad/lazy student. The previous Thursday we had a whole day committed to how to go about taking the QCS Tests and we were told that the writing task involved drafting and editing and just a lot of time but I think most of the people from my school think that they're the bomb and can last-minute everything. Haha, just kidding, because I do it all the time, and I guess everyone is just lazy. It just annoys me when people say things like, "omg 600 words in two hours … oh wait it is for normal high school kids *giggles*", because seriously there is a point where people go beyond being confident to just being … a steaming cup of asshole. My response was—I hope you can prepare yourself for the inanity of it, about "The existence of imagined circles". At the time I didn't know what to write about, and the coordinator lady was tracking people down giving them angry faces so I just thought of something that sounded like a TOK essay I had read and stuck with it. Needless to say, the essay produced was a probably filled with grammar and spelling errors, and a paucity of decent content. (btw ''paucity'' is one of the ''big unusual" words that I am planning on using in my real essay). Even though QCS is not that long away, I am still feeling rather mellow about it. I'm one of those people that don't work unless really pressured to, and in the end, that is my greatest weakness (please don't tell my enemies).

Right now I'm feeling quite shitty, and have a bad cold, blah blah joint pain blah blah simultaneously blocked and runny nose blah blah headaches, but my parents never really believe that I am sick. This can get annoying, and so a lot of the time I just tough it out and complain to everyone else. This would mean it would suck hairy balls to be my friend, but you got to take the good with the bad. I just made a pot of tea and chopped heaps of ginger and put it into the jug, because ginger is supposed to be a magical cure for … illness, and so I'm hoping that this effload of ginger will help to rejuvenate my ailing body. D:

I'm off to bed now, even though I slept around thirteen hours straight today.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Nowadays, I just a) really miss Lauryn Hill, b) am always tired and c) cbf blogging

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Well... look on the brighter side of things... at least your mother doesn't rape you :)


jks jks... it's just Jermia in need of a serious rant so Musu has kindly lent me his blogspot so that I could vent.


well i've been fighting with my mutti bear (mother bear in german :P) a lot lately. mainly things about how all asians are drug dealers and how i over dramatise everything while withdrawing from our relationship whenever i feel emotionally vulnerable... my mother is a counsellor... there is no winning an argument with her >_>

whenever i try to confide in her, i find that her comeback always is something along the lines of "well my life sucks more..."

of course she doesn't say it so bluntly... but that's the underlying message of her long winded lectures. xD

jermia: hmm i'm tired
mum: YOU think YOU'RE TIRED!?! i have to wake up at 4.30 am to go to work so that i can pay your private school tuition

jermia: i feel sick
mum: well i wish i could get sick, but i don't even have that luxury... if i don't work i don't have money to pay the rent and we don't eat jermia!!! how do you feel with not eating for a week?

jermia: i'm poor...
mum: well you shouldn't be poor since i basically buy you everything you need, i pay your school fees, i feed you, i drive 30mins to work all the time, and i've just bought you a car, paid for your rego and insurance... i've worn the same clothes for about 15 years because i always put you first!

jermia: did you label that box?
mum: well jermia if you are so concern why don't you stop studying for your exams and stop doing your assignments and label all of these boxes for me okay! because right now i don't have the time to label boxes.
jermia: i was just curious to why this box wasn't labelled... that's all o_O

as you can see... it's not my fault and it's not like i can fix any of this so i don't understand why she needs to emotionally take it out on me :(

sometimes i feel like kicking or punching a massive hole in the wall... but we are currently renting] and i think both my mother and the landlord would then most likely kick or punch a massive hole in my face :\

not cool...

i think i've calmed down a lot now... so i'm not so aggressive with my ranting...

have you ever noticed how ugly you look when you cry? i dunno but when i look at myself in the mirror while i cry... it makes me cry even more because i look so emotionally and physically retarded... i do hope that everyone else resembles a dying whale when the cry cause i'd hate to be the exception lol

ohh yehh and the phrase FML... it's been overused... just like LOL LMAO ROFL... whenever i see these words i begin to evaluate... LOL... are they really laughing at what i just typed on msn... or is it just like a reflex... and immediate response or reaction!?!

FML... seriously... this term is so loosely thrown around... just like the phrase "i love you"

that's why whenever i tell musu i love him he never says it back... ^^
and it makes me happy that he won't say it back to me... because it's his way of telling me that he cares :)

if he were to say it all the time it would just lose it's meaning
so when he does say it... it means even more to me now :D

i have a lot of assignments and studying to do... 3 weeks till exam block which means less than 3 weeks until QCS... but i'm going to try to cram all of this revision into this week so that i can go partying this weekend without feeling so guilty!

download the song sexy bitch feat. akon... it's a stupid song but extremely catchy and contagious just like aids, only this song wont make you feel as if you are peeing out razor blades (thank you to all of the advertising campaigns on the brisbane buses which promote safe sex) xD

ohh yehh... i forgot to mention this but...

FML... YEAR 12 SUCKS... but then again... it's only year 12 right?^^

Sunday, August 2, 2009

sunday? more like funday

So usually Sundays for me are quite boring. I wake up go to church, go home in the afternoon and sleep. Even the most Christian of Christians would find church boring sometimes (I think my priest falls asleep sometimes), and being that I am not the most Christian-ey of Christians I tend to get bored there pretty easily.

Today was different though, I decided to go to the University of Queensland open day with some friends, but it turns out that I was running late so I cbf'ed going to UQ and instead just decided to go into the city for some general debauchery.

Karaoke, and korean food was involved.

I hadn't seen these friends in a long time, and it was nice, but also bad because I imposed a ban on going out until Schoolies on myself (except formals, how could you ban yourself from a formal? are you crazy??)

: )