misleading opening paragraph with no segue

So on the way home today I walked past this man filling up his tank at the petrol station and he had no neck. It wasn't the muscley thick no-neck neck, but like he had no-neck neck (he might have had one under all that skin though). I felt like going up to him and saying, "how's your neck, no-neck?", but then realised I would feel bad for making him feel different. Oh yeah, and because it takes me more than ten sweaty minutes to get home (personification ftw) so I didn't want to hang around in awe staring at the man's mesmerising no-neck neck. Although it would've been fun.

Anyway birthdays were never really a big deal to me, and to be honest, still aren't, because before high school I didn't get any presents for my birthday and I'm a loser who no-one likes etc lol I remember one time when I was a kid and my brother beat me up and it just so happened to be on my birthday (lol, I love my brother btw so no long-lasting damage xD ). What I'm trying to say is that ... birthdays aren't really a big deal to me, so when people want so much from it I just get like ... erhmmm I make this face -> :S I think birthday parties are cool and everything but you should never expect anything. Here, the first edition of Musu's-childhood-story-fun-time! Growing up my parents really struggled to keep the family fed and whatnot, and I never really got birthday presents just because my parents didn't have money but it's not like I felt like they didn't love me. I grew up in hand-me-downs, and I didn't really get presents from relatives either. My last birthday party was in year one because it was frivolous spending on my parents' part, in my opinion at least.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still as superficial as anyone else. I'm just saying that friendship is enough and that materialism only creates materialistic relationships. 

Birthdays are more for being appreciative of your friends, family, whoever else, otherwise it's just like "CONGRATZ ON GETTING BORNSKIES".